SOUL SHOCK - The real soulmate phenomenon

'The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.' -Robert Vallett

If you've met someone who's changed you forever

If you love someone so much you realize you just weren't alive before them

If you've met someone who's awakened you to the unbelievable beauty of existence

If you've met someone who is more you than even you are

If you miss someone so much you can't even conceive of existing without them

If you've lost someone and it feels like your soul left with them then read on'

Typical of many cases I deal with is the story of Fiona and Robert.

I first met Fiona when she booked a telephone reading and I realized she was suffering a great deal of pain and confusion from the recent breakup of her relationship with Robert. I recommended she seek healing and, a week later, she arrived at my door.

I wish I had a cent for every tear that has been shed on that end of my sofa -- it's a wonder it isn't afloat by now. Seeing people in complete despair is a common occurrence for me but it never gets any easier watching someone fall apart, not least because I've been there. Some days, you just wonder what the human race is coming to when people can hurt others in the way this girl was hurting. However, she was here now and I was going to help her.

Her total devastation and confusion was apparent and, as I read both her energies and Robert's, I realized this was a very strong metaphysical ( soul mate ) connection, hence the level of suffering she was enduring. She told me her story, described what seemed an ideal relationship - until, in the midst of it, Robert had turned tail and run without warning. To add to her grief and despair, within a week he had hooked up with someone else and told her he wasn't coming back.

As in most of these cases, by tuning into him I knew he was in love with her. Fiona, however, was in no position to believe this, not based on his actions. It was totally clear to me, however, that the bond between them was strong and had grown ever stronger and stronger whilst they were together, to the point that it scared the hell out of Robert.

How do you tell someone that a person they love has hurt them because they love them too much? How do you explain that the 'runner' fears the intensity of the connection? I could tell this other woman meant nothing to Robert and was just a shoulder for him to cry on. But, to Fiona, it seemed he had been a cheater and had callously lied about loving her. That's a very natural assumption when someone you trust totally turns a one eighty and goes off with someone else without warning.

For those of us who are emotionally and spiritually open to love on any level, the idea of someone running from happiness is bizarre and cruel in the extreme. Fiona was struggling to make sense of it and wasn't winning at all, which added to her immense grief.

As I began her healing and looked at what had happened to her energies, I realized she was suffering from what I call 'soul shock.' When someone you have a deep connection with suddenly pulls away, the dis-connect leaves you feeling as if your soul has left your body, like an empty shell. You just can't get back to reality and you can feel as if you simply exist.

This experience is similar to grieving the death of a loved one and I know many counselors, at least those who accept and understand connections, who will treat this pain in the same way as a bereavement. What we're talking about here is not a conventional emotional relationship. A soul connection is the most powerful soul level connection with someone and when separations like this occur you just can't "get over it" or "move on" however hard you try. Many people can't eat sleep or work for a long time, a lot end up on medication and in counseling.

Even after more cases than I can remember, it never fails to amaze me how powerful healing is and what a perfect tool it can be for dealing with soul mate connections. I pulled Robert's energy away from Fiona's so that she wasn't being tugged around like a leaf in a gale by his confusion. This process forced out some of her grief.

Unexpressed emotions are debilitating and dangerous, so I opened up her heart chakra and used a technique I call 'accelerated bereavement.' This acceleration brings out the despair and pain in a burst of crying that's so deep you know it's from the soul. But, after twenty minutes or so, this incredible pain eases and the subject calms. That's exactly what happened with Fiona.

What is unique about soul connections is that we feel our partner's grief and confusion and they feel ours. This creates a tsunami of pain as the energy flows across our spiritual link and bounces each of us around like two corks on a string. Putting a block in a place eases 'soul shock' tremendously, so that's what I did to allow Fiona a chance to get on her feet again.

As the weeks and months went by, I saw her and treated her on a regular basis. Throughout that time, she grew slowly but progressively stronger, even as she continued to ache badly from the pain of separation from Robert. When you are separated from a soul mate, you miss your partner every minute of the day and most days are nothing more than a torture of aching and needing. The soul mate connection is unlike a conventional relationship for, in these cases, the pain of separation doesn't lessen. Some days it feels as if your heart will burst out of your chest and fly to your true partner.

Fiona experienced all of this and more, although with readings and healing I was able to reduce the worst of the excesses and keep up her hope that the situation would resolve itself and Robert would come back. At times, she would call in total pain and disbelief and ask how anything could hurt so much and why couldn't she just get over him? As always, I explained that a connection so strong was something we have little control over and, in time, he would return. While we wait, all we can do is stay strong and accept what has happened. Trying to understand why just adds to the torture.

In time, Robert did contact her. Fiona, however, found it very difficult to talk to him. He frequently contradicted himself and didn't seem to have a clue what he was doing, how he felt or what he wanted. This, of course, made it much harder for her to be in contact with the man she loved so much, as she still struggled to make sense of why he had run in the first place.

This is a very common albeit totally bizarre and bewildering phase that nearly always occurs in these relationships. While the more aware soul feels the immense sense of pain and loss, the 'runner,' who mostly has a ton of issues, is absolutely confused by the power of the connection and will seem to contradict themselves and not know quite what's going on. It's common to hear 'I love you,' then a week later, 'I don't love you,' and a host of other seemingly weird behaviors.

Understand, however, that this is your soul partner struggling to understand what's going on within them, as they are also totally overwhelmed by the feelings and confusion that the connection brings.

At this point, I asked Fiona to trust me and to follow some simple rules for communication. She agreed when she realized the present interaction was confusing her even more. I asked Fiona to set out what she wanted from Robert, make it clear to him, then to back away. To insist that, if and when he called, she didn't want to hear how bad his life was, especially after she had offered everything to make him happy. And that if he could not be there for her, then to put the phone down.

Staying strong in this phase takes an awful lot of guts and faith when your runner seems so close to returning. To push them away unless certain criteria are met is scary when you so fear losing them again. But Fiona did it' And, as in most cases, after a while it worked. It's said that runners return properly when the pain of separation is greater than the fear of commitment.

And by refusing to negotiate on anything other than coming together properly, Fiona made Robert realize he had to face this once and for all or lose her.

They met, they talked, she called me. Robert had accepted he couldn't go on as he had and he was prepared to face his fears and give it a go. Many more meetings occurred before Fiona was sure he was ready and knew that he would face his fear of commitment.

When finally they both came together again, and had put the past behind them, Fiona asked Robert to come to me for a reading and consultation. Seeing a runner is a rare opportunity for me, because when most reconciliations occur, my work is done.

Robert arrived and it was apparent he had no idea what to expect. I gave him a psychic reading and saw what was going on within him and how he had struggled to make sense of the past couple of years. What he said was a real eye opener for me, a rare chance to see how the incredible intensity of a soul connection can scare the daylights out of someone seemingly so strong and together.

He started talking about a time before Christmas when he realized just how deeply he felt for Fiona and, although he had always shunned commitment of any sort, he had decided to ask her to marry him. On his way to buy a ring, he talked to a friend about marriage and said he suddenly became very scared and unsure. He never did tell me what the friend said but whatever it was plugged deep into his fears. After that, instead of asking her to marry him, Robert told Fiona it was over and that he had found someone else.

If you're astounded reading this, so was I when I heard it. His thinking was that he couldn't go through with it and maybe he wasn't good enough for her.

What if he wasn't ready, what if it didn't work? All the other fear and insecurity-based questions rose up in him. His thinking was if she thought he had someone else, she could move on and not follow him.

When runners run, they really do run. Robert had demonstrated absolute mastery of the runner 180-degree speed turn. It was obvious that this man was unsure about himself - never mind what he could offer in a relationship. He made all his decisions from the head, not the heart. He mistakenly assumed Fiona could 'get over it.' It's one of the most frustrating things when runners make assumptions and don't give the other partner a chance. That's just what this one did.

However, now Robert was back and he was talking to me and that meant he wanted to understand what this was about and how he could deal with it. This was a terrific omen for the couple's future.

The outcome was that Robert did start to deal with his demons. His karmic lesson was to realize that he couldn't live life by purely mental decisions. He learnt that his heart wouldn't stay away and that fighting the connection only hurt them both and, ultimately, didn't work.

I now have an invitation to their wedding on my desk

Fiona and Robert's case is very typical and, to my mind, reinforces the same message - the heart always wins in the end.

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